CIUDADES / Quinta Jornada

Foto: ©Mireille Del Valle

Foto: ©Mireille Del Valle

GONZALO TRINIDAD VALTIERRA |

Las ciudades son sueños insuflados de materia

que alguien algún día, en algún lugar,

sueña.

I

Cuando el veneciano Marco Polo conoció a Kublai Kahn en realidad soñó que lo conoció en una ciudad del vasto oriente que se disipaba en amplios tramos de niebla, o de lienzo. Murió antes de concluir sus viajes. Siete siglos después otro italiano continuó el sueño que Marco soñara primero. Ítalo Calvino se llamaba; fue él quien soñó a Marco soñando con Kublai y supo concluir su viaje. Los eruditos debaten sobre si Marco también soñó a Ítalo para que este lo soñara en el futuro y pudiese así vivir otros tantos siglos.

II

¿Por qué amamos las ciudades? ¿Se puede amar algo que nunca es lo mismo?; algo que siempre cambia y en nada permanece. El río de Heráclito es más ancho y caudaloso de lo que pensamos. Yo soy un río. La ciudad es otro río. El mundo es un río. ¿Dónde nace el río de Heráclito? Quizá en un sueño.

III

Galileo no descubrió los satélites de Júpiter. Soñó que descubrió satélites, pero también soñó que fundó ciudades en las pequeñas acompañantes de Júpiter: Ío, Calisto, Ganímedes y Europa. No sabemos qué soñó primero. Hoy en día en las Estrellas Mediceas —así las llamó— ahora habitan seres que hurgan las estrellas con telescopios rudimentarios a imitación del fundador de las ciudades.

IV

La luna tiene montañas que el sabio Galileo descubrió con su mágico telescopio. Galileo era un mago que trabajaba en su taller de hechizos preocupado por encontrar mundos, estrellas o cometas donde pudiese fundar una o dos ciudades. Cuando viejo se mudaría a alguna de ellas, pero lo quemaron en grotesca hoguera. Sin saber dispersaron su esencia por el universo.

V

En una ciudad lejana, lejana como todas las ciudades cuando no se mora en ellas, atraída por los rezos me acerqué a una ventana. Una ventana justo como la mía, cuadrada, estrecha, difícilmente una ventana digna de más palabras; pero la luz, esa sí era distinta.

Era como una luz como la del cinematógrafo la que manaba de ese cuarto, pálida y fría escurría por los muros ensuciándolos de viscosidades, de sombras. Una luz que iluminaba a medias para sostener la ilusión de movimiento, de vida. Me recordaba los funerales. Era pues una luz tímida, distinta a las demás pero idéntica al silencio. Al silencio profundo que sólo pueden preceder las velas que el viento asfixiaba y que una par de manos revivían.

Ahora me doy cuenta, dentro de ese cuarto, que amo el silencio. ¿Estaré vieja? ¿O tan sólo soy irreversible? Ni siquiera los sueños pueden volver al comienzo. Ayer era tan joven y hoy me siento tan masticada por la vida. Mi piel es la cartografía del fracaso, de la vergüenza y la podredumbre de la carne. Recuerdo mi piel antes de este saco de lunares, estrías y quemaduras que nunca se borraron. Pero mi piel no es un traje que pueda zurcir, enmendar y desmanchar. Estoy echada a perder, vieja, rebasada.

A mi edad se supone que una debe estar preparada para cualquier cosa, pero ya lo único que espero es la muerte. Lo mejor será esperar con calma. Sentada en mi silla, disfrutando del silencio de una película en blanco y negro. Un silencio cromático que precede mi fin, el fin de una película vieja que nadie quiere ver.

Dicen que antes de morir la vida pasa como una película frente a los ojos. Me bañé de luz, me convertí en una sombra que actuaba, que seguía mágicos designios. Me descubrí tan joven en mi papel de sombra. Tan liza, tan sutil, tan perfecta. Era la vida que siempre quise, cincuenta años restaurados en dos horas de filme en un cuartito oscuro.

______________________

Autorretrato

Autorretrato

Gonzalo Trinidad Valtierra / Ciudad de México, 1986

Escribo porque busco. No sé qué. Escribo aunque esto sea imposible: es querer decir antes que las palabras nos evadan. Es evadirme a mí mismo; como toda evasión, la escritura conlleva una persecución —una búsqueda histérica—. No sé qué. Una persecución circular: como un perro que persigue su propia cola que podría estar hecha de palabras. Amo la filosofía. Mi relación con ella es como con todas mis mujeres: disfuncional, interrumpida, voraz, pervertida…

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