El principio de las batallas


“Me acuerdo, no me acuerdo: ¿qué año era aquél?” Ya había regresado a la ciudad pero no la conocía aún. Un par de plazas, el centro, el metro. Era el inicio de la preparatoria, la adolescencia en pleno auge. Yo apenas empezaba a leer con asiduo: qué tardado fue terminar Cien años de soledad por primera vez. Mas ello me consiguió una amistad con cierta chica cuya madre me compró mi primer Las batallas en el desierto. Jamás se lo pagué y meses después a esa muchacha terminaría no cayéndole muy bien (el ejemplar daría tumbos hasta las manos de otra muchacha, como regalo, años después). Luego, algún profesor rabo verde, mal escritor que obligaba a sus alumnos a comprarle el material de clase necesario para las lecturas del curso, nos dio a leer en copias de hojas baratas y tinta acuosa y difícil de leer “El principio del placer”.

Así entró él en mi vida adolescente: en un libro más que conocido y un cuento representativo. Crecí con él como lector y me vi reflejado en esas dos historias iniciáticas en los amores no correspondidos y llanamente imposibles. La ciudad la empecé a descubrir en esa época de mi vida también, y se abrió en dos planos: el tangible que se podía recorrer en transporte público o caminando y el ideal que se alimentaba de cuentos suyos que se situaban en sus calles. Descubrí los desvelos y logré ponerle nombre a las “Horas altas”, esas horas fugaces donde “hoy no es ayer y aún parece muy lejos la mañana”. Gracias a sus lecturas y a cierta antología de poesía que regalé, quise escribir, fallidamente, poemas. Por suerte, de ellos no quedan vestigios ya.

Pero la adolescencia no fue ni de cerca la mejor época de mi vida, como le decía a Jorge su madre allá en Veracruz. Me vi reflejado en su vida, aunque en etapas distintas, porque yo también me mudé en otra época a provincia, adonde no había nada, y porque tampoco me funcionaban los amores. Jamás me enamoré de la madre de mi mejor amigo, pero sí sentía que nadie me comprendía y que las mujeres que me gustaban sólo me daban rodeos o me decían simplemente que no, que el amor no era posible. Alguna que otra me trató con desdén, la mayoría fue más amable.

Eran tiempos de descubrimientos, tanto literarios como propios como de espacios. De la mano me llevó entonces José Emilio con sus lecturas. A él jamás lo conocí en persona ni lo vi de lejos. Sólo rumores de gente que conocía a más gente que era amiga de él, pero nada más.

Sin embargo, no era necesario conocerlo, sus libros me bastaban para sentirme acompañado de él, para ver en los lugares nuevos algo que yo ya conocía a través de sus palabras, para saber que no era el único que se enamoraba rápido y con timidez, y que hacía por impulso las cosas más torpes del mundo. Sin él tal vez no habría leído lo que he, o tal vez sí, no se puede saber.

Hoy, la ciudad lleva colgado su nombre en muchos lugares, incluso si éstos están ya muy lejos de ser lo que eran cuando él los describió. Las esencias sin embargo ahí quedan, plasmadas. No se despegan del lugar. Como en uno mismo los recuerdos se adhieren a los sentimientos.

Ahora abandoné ya la adolescencia (¿se deja realmente alguna vez?), pero de cuando en cuando, cuando quiero recordar tiempos buenos, me busco una hora para escuchar a Carlos batirse en desamor por Mariana.

| RMM | AB | @Borchacalas |


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