La cura y la enfermedad

"Ibn Ghattousse", Hassan Musa

“Ibn Ghattousse”, Hassan Musa

OMAR ARRIAGA |

 

El escenario es una reunión con gente de todos los ámbitos y todos los tiempos de mi vida, pero estoy más bien feliz por reunirme de nuevo con Ahmed, mi amigo de nombre árabe de la preparatoria. Luego de contarnos nuestros días respectivos, Ahmed pregunta por algo que acaba de pasarme en las últimas semanas.

Parece que habla de un viejo naufragio; y de mí como de un náufrago que por fin ha llegado a tierra firme. Me pregunta si hay libros capaces de hundirte en el remolino y si existe alguno que pueda confortarte. Le respondo que aquellos libros que me han enfermado son, en primer lugar, el de mi tesis de licenciatura, que trata sobre la alucinación, la tortura, el amor y el desamor, el sueño, el poder y la entrega; estados delirantes; así como la línea de obras de las que éste desciende: algunas del siglo XIX de autores que querían comerse el mundo y cuyo sueño se convirtió más bien en pesadilla. Aurelia, de Nerval sería un ejemplo insuperable.

Soy consciente en mi sueño de que hay muchos libros que curan, que me han curado, pero en ese instante no puedo aludir a ninguno salvo a Las elegías de Duino, de Rilke. Me estiro un poco y recojo un volumen donde un Apolo, que se eleva sobre el cielo, está absorto como en una especie de coronación; no se alcanza a ver a quién corona, pero reconozco la portada, aunque no es la misma del libro que tengo en mi estante. En el sueño pienso en este poeta recién muerto, no me preguntes cuál, sé que han muerto muchos pero sólo uno que se cayó por culpa de unos libros. Por alguna extraña razón pienso que ese poeta se tropezó con un volumen de Rilke. Escucho algunos golpes en el techo. Son los vecinos del piso de arriba. Cuando era niño, vivía en un departamento en el que a veces los inquilinos de la planta superior hacían mucho ruido.

Mi madre sale de una habitación superior. No sé de dónde, puesto que en el edificio en que habitaba durante la infancia sólo había un piso. No así en la casa a la que después nos cambiamos, que sí tenía dos plantas. Como quiera que sea ella baja; Ahmed se me queda viendo, inquiriendo qué es lo que va a hacer mi madre. Y sé que de un momento a otro saldrá del departamento y subirá donde los vecinos para decirles que dejen de pegar en el techo. Varios en la reunión parecen darse cuenta de que va a salir, pero nadie le presta atención a este hecho aunque debe ser ya más de medianoche; sólo yo y Ahmed la vemos salir un tanto molesta, cerrar la puerta más fuerte de lo que debiera ser “normal” y subir las escaleras. Ya en la casa a la que nos mudamos tras vivir trece años en el departamento recuerdo que mi madre salió una vez en plena madrugada a tocarle a la vecina porque no dejaba de hacer ruido.

La escena que presencio con Ahmed es una variación de aquella vez, con la diferencia de que se desarrolla en el departamento; por eso baja de un segundo piso como en la casa, aunque sube a un segundo piso, como cuando vivíamos en el departamento. El tiempo se alarga. Sé que de un momento a otro escucharemos los golpes de mi madre en la puerta de los vecinos y sus palabras, exigiendo que no golpeen el techo de nuestro apartamento.

Trato de pensar en otro libro que me haya curado, pero no acude ninguno a mi mente. Siento el sudor frío en mi cuerpo. El rostro de Ahmed se difumina y de pronto desaparece. A decir verdad, no necesito insistir en lo reales que son los sueños, y en la sensación de que parecía que efectivamente estaba platicando con Ahmed.

Estoy preocupado por mi madre, porque pueda pasarle algo, y me alisto para subir en cuanto escuche algún ruido fuera de lo normal. Pero ese ruido no llega. En su lugar, escucho el tren a lo lejos y veo el cuarto en penumbras. Afuera, se oyen el motor de un auto y una alarma; es la señora que me renta este pequeño apartamento en el que vivo, y los ruidos sobre el techo son los de ella y su hija, quien se acaba de levantar para comenzar a arreglarse e ir a la escuela. La escucho mascullar unas palabras. Está molesta y empieza a quejarse de algo que acaba de descubrir en el jardín. Mueve el bote de la basura sin mucho tacto y ahora sí despierto del todo. Siento el sudor frío en la cara y en el cuello. La hija le pide que espere, que no se enoje. Tengo la sensación de que su molestia va dirigida a mí.

Aún como en el humo del sueño, sigo esperando a que mi madre golpee la puerta de los vecinos para que estos le contesten y deba ir a su lado. Siento un calorcillo en el estómago, similar al que provoca por la mañana una mala noche a causa de una cena exagerada. La impresión sigue siendo como de una pesadilla, pero no ha pasado nada realmente; el sueño se ha detenido antes de que ocurriera algo que con seguridad no recordaría de haberse dado. No se recuerda mucho de esa clase de sueños, salvo la sensación.

El cuerpo me duele un poco en todas partes. En la noche moví algunas cajas de documentos y viejos periódicos; me parece que el esfuerzo ha sido mayor del que pensaba. Y esa carne, había algo raro, quizá no en ella pero sí en el aderezo con que la habían preparado. No fui el único que lo notó. Entonces recuerdo un libro de mitología, de los ya conocidos mitos griegos, y pienso que ese libro me ha curado en más de una ocasión. Ese es el libro del que quería hablarle a Ahmed durante el sueño y del que no he podido acordarme. Aún tengo sueño, no ha salido el sol, y trato de ver si puedo regresar a contarle a Ahmed cómo es que una escena puede enfermarte, y cómo la misma escena es capaz de traer la cura para aquello que nos preocupa por las noches.

Vuelvo a quedarme dormido. No recuerdo soñar nada. Sin embargo, queda esa sensación desagradable que en el sueño tenemos cuando se está frente a lo ilimitado. Si en la vigilia hay una mezcla de vértigo y fascinación ante una cascada o cuando uno se encuentra a mitad de una tormenta en la orilla de la playa con un mar embravecido, esos mismos escenarios nos disminuyen y ofuscan a tal grado en el sueño que uno siente que en cualquier instante una hecatombe tendrá lugar frente a nosotros, sin que podamos hacer nada, salvo ser suprimidos de golpe como si fuéramos hormigas o inscripciones trazadas en un vidrio una noche de lluvia.

Viene a mi mente un viejo sueño en el que estoy en las ruinas de un templo de la antigüedad junto a varias estatuas de alabastro. De pronto, a una serpiente con alas empieza a caérsele el mármol y su piel cobra un terrible color carne que luego se torna verde. Tiene un par de manecitas con garras, una de las cuales se clava en mi brazo. Su pulso me quema la carne. Me levanta del piso y me arrastra a través de un pasillo, rodeando a la derecha y alcanzando una gran oquedad que debe ser una puerta. Hay un trono también de tamaño gigante y un manto luminoso desciende de él. Mi mirada sube poco a poco a través de los pliegues de la tela, pero cuando estoy a punto de ver el rostro de esa imponente figura, que sólo ahora me doy cuenta está cercada por las llamas, despierto.

| RMM | OA | @OmArriaGarces |

_______________

Omar Arriaga Garcés (Morelia, 1984)

Poeta y periodista cultural. Lic. en LLH. Forma parte del consejo editorial de Mil Mesetas.

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