La despedida

“El sueño acercándose”, 1926 / Salvador Dalí

Pues sí, ya lo decía Arthur Schnitzler, “aunque haya mucho que se deseen, las despedidas siempre son dolorosas”; dolorosísimas si en algún momento uno duda, vuelve la vista atrás y mira las catedrales visigodas que construyó el sueño, por sí mismo, entre la piel. Lo que surge entonces es el vértigo; esa sensación cálida y abismal de querer dejarse ir bajo tierra.

Hay una cierta esperanza en que cediendo al vértigo nos levantaremos más tarde, renovados y fuertes, cada vez más fuertes. ¿Quién no ha escuchado eso de ceder a las tentaciones para vencerlas…? Y uno de verdad siente que ha vencido. Responde Hallach, el teólogo, a sus discípulos, que esa flauta tan dulce, la música que esa flauta tan dulce genera, también ha de desaparecer.

El acto de despedirse —de un trabajo, de los amigos, de un lugar, de una persona, del mundo— sigue, de todas formas, siendo un acto de esperanza. ¿Es la esperanza el amor? ¿Es la espera lo mismo que la esperanza? Ni siquiera quienes inventaron la esperanza lo saben; ellos dicen: la esperanza o la simple espera… Con puntos suspensivos al final, porque nadie sabe. Pero es una u otra, no las dos.

También por amor uno se despide: ya con ésta me despido, y vámonos, donde nadie nos juzgue, donde nadie nos diga qué hacemos mal. Reírse juntos, llevarse bien; la simpatía entre ambos, en medio, arriba, en lo que se hace, hacia aquello a lo que se dedica esa persona. Y las expectativas…

¿Son las expectativas lo mismo que la esperanza? Quizá. Un tal Lope de Vega afirma desde su tumba que el amor es la costumbre. ¿Qué puede esperar uno entonces? Semejanzas, comunicación; sobre todo comunicación. ¿Y cuando uno habla y su voz no quema dura, y su voz nocturna no se oye, y su voz es como la de un pez en el fondo de un pozo tapado?

El sexo está bien, pero no es lo más importante, y disculpen que se los diga. Mas cuando la persona está dispuesta a una maniobra que en principio no le seduce, quizá se trate de algo más: especial quiere decir que en sí constituye un paradigma, una clase distinta de personalidad.

Hay ante todo de dos variedades, como se deduce de Las ruinas circulares, el cuento de Borges: en el colegio ilusorio, el soñador debe elegir a uno de entre todos los fantasmas para intercalarlo a la realidad; pero no es ni el conocimiento ni el sacrificio aquello que atrae al mago.

Una cierta irreverencia, una capacidad de ir contra corriente y escoger la mejor opción, es lo que caracteriza a este personaje. Imaginemos otra escena: un jardín, una fuente, un árbol, no una pareja, sino un grupo de niños, niños y niñas arrojándose agua con las manos que, en forma de fuente, tienden una red invisible, hecha de sol y de cercanía.

Ríen, sin embargo, el cansancio se asoma y alguien tiene ganas de dormir. Poco a poco todos se duermen, y uno de ellos, quizá el primero que se ha quedado dormido, comienza a soñar: sueña que el mundo es redondo, que está solo con la cercanía de aquella pequeña joven en cuyos dientes se reflejaba el sol mientras reía.

Y en el sueño, desea. Y desea que ella desee tanto como él esa cercanía que ahora es otra, distinta clase de proximidad. Y he aquí que el soñador aprende a soñar y que ella lo desea. Y he aquí que él tiene la disyuntiva de seguir soñando o despertar, y he aquí que espera quedarse descansando al borde del estanque. Sin embargo, su esperanza se esfuma: la voz de un ave lo hace despertar…

No lo sabía Borges sino Stevenson: ésta, señoras y señores, es la parábola más antigua del mundo.

OAG / TRIPODOLOGÍA FELINA

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